Red Flags in Relationship - Tips for Romantics With Online LoversWondering if your online lover is as sincere and true as he or she wants you to believe? Here are few relationship red flags for romantics like you.
You have probably heard of successful romance stories in cyberspace. But not everyone gets lucky. What red flags in online relationships should men and women watch out for?
Some Internet relationship red flags
- Cyber lover is often good with sweet talk, but derides personal questions
You may hold dear the offline notes, emails, or phone calls you receive from your online mate everyday. Yet, such thoughtfulness could be masking some truths. Perhaps he or she hopes that you would not doubt him or her. Yet, the moment you inquire about something personal that you are curious about, he or she says, "I don't question you," or "If you don't trust me, then stop talking to me." When you get such response, better assess the situation. Remember that a sincere online lover will not shy away from questions about his or her activities. He or she is even willing to either tell you about other chat buddies or lets you see his or her chat directory list to assure you. However, you also need to be wary of mates who either badmouth their exes or are the kiss-and-tell types because they can do the same to you.
The important thing to consider here is the quality of your conversations. When your online lover nixes honesty and openness after being questioned, he or she will most likely wave the next red flag.
- You become the offending party
Serious intimate relationships require honesty and openness. In online dating, how a person behaves and expresses himself or herself in the virtual realm reflects how he or she could be offline.
The moment you start feeling bad not because your mate has failed to answer a personal question, but because you have asked something that upsets him or her, it is your instinct or subconscious "talking" to you to better brace yourself for a disappointing, if not painful, ending. You may be accused of being insecure or distrustful, but if your online partner immediately gives you verbal slaps instead of discussing things after being questioned, then he or she could do the same with you in person.
- Forgets about you or forgoes plans to have a real relationship
Maintaining an online long distance relationship (LDR) is difficult. However, when someone is really into you, he or she will certainly make time for you everyday without being asked to do so. He or she would even occasionally surprise you with letters, care packages, or whatever it is to make you happy. The distance then is not viewed as a problem, but a challenge to overcome and make the relationship work.
Furthermore, make sure you have a two-way communication. You can call him or her and vice-versa. Of course, this entails having all of his or her contact details.
If you have not yet seen or been with your online mate, it would be good to agree on a plan to meet. However, when your lover often ends up forgetting to call or canceling plans to visit, then that is a warning sign that your "relationship" is just an illusion.
- Treats you as an online ATM or a money making opportunity
A sick parent's hospitalization, tuition/credit card payment, rental fees – these are just some of the reasons your online mate could say to ask money from you. Once or twice (with proofs – i.e., scanned receipts and list of expenses) – would be okay, but repeated favors related to money indicate that you are involved in an Internet dating scam.
However, in case you really want to send some money, ask your partner first if that is okay. He or she may just want you to be her confidante or adviser, not a donor. If your mate asks for it, be mindful of the frequency of such request, as well as the efforts he or she does to resolve the issue.
Other red flags in relationship for romantics with online loversWhen it comes to dating, the Internet only serves as an instrument to socialize and communicate. Still, no one deserves to be deceived in whatever realm. Sadly, there are people who fool others for selfish interests. It is best to bear in mind then that like offline affairs, online relationships require work. A person who is really committed to you would do his or her best to prove that he or she is worthy of your trust and affection.
If you feel you are the only one exerting much effort to make your virtual relationship reach a genuine offline status, or that you find inconsistencies in your online lover's words and deeds when it comes to your relationship, chances are he or she is not for real nor for keeps, and that you are better off alone until you find the man or woman who truly deserves your love.
Further readingsBen-Zeév, Aaron. 2009. "Is Your Online Lover Sincere To You?". In the Name of Love. Psychology Today. December 25.
Labi, Nadya. 2007. "An IM Infatuation Turned to Romance. Then the Truth Came Out". Wired Magazine. August 21.
Relationships Australia. 2010. Online Relationships.
Vines, Rose. 1999. Being Smart About Online Relationships.
Written by Leann Zarah (email@example.com)
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